This was hilarious. I particularly liked this part:

"Er," Liam says. "Does he always dress like that?"

"SEQUINS," Mr. Tomlinson roars. "BLOODY SEQUINS ON HIS TROUSERS, THE HARLOT."

"It's the dragon trousers I like," says Mr. Horan. "Lovely embroidery. Good lad, Harry! Nice form!" This last he shouts to Mr. Styles, who flashes them the peace sign.