Oct. 29th, 2017

I'm not finished with tree narry yet, but I wanted to post a draft of the first half (first third? unclear) before I have to disappear for a day or two to write towards some Real Life deadlines. here is a picture of the kind of tree harry used to be. written for [personal profile] daisygrrl .

(also, the title comes from the song "pine tree lines" by told slant, who you should check out if you are looking for some indie queer/trans quiet heartbreak media to consume. the lead singer's voice definitely takes some getting used to, but the lyrics are so quietly devastating. someday i'm gonna do a little series of fic outlines or drabbles for each song on their album Still Water.)

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SURPRISE SURPRISE, I'm still thinking about [personal profile] coldbam 's narry farm au, which i just sent to hannah/harrybasquiat because i knew she would love it with her whole heart (she did). and then i was saying to her that the best, loveliest, happiest narry dynamic is one where they're both patient, hardworking people doing their best in whatever little spheres they occupy, except harry just happens to be a weirdo with weird niche interests while niall's more of a normal-seeming everyday sort of person.

but ALSO, and this is CRUCIAL, they both don't quite fit into the worlds they inhabit in some way. it's just that niall's not-fitting is a sort of quiet 'well, i can make do' sort of not-fitting, where he's conscious that he doesn't quite slot into whatever social mold he's supposed to fit into but he's amenable, he adjusts, he assumes that the world is probably right and anyway it's not the world's business to make him feel fulfilled or content in his skin. whereas harry's brand of not-fitting is much more visible but is also much more unconscious. he's just a harmless eccentric who goes about his life without seeming to even register the fact that he's completely unlike from everyone else around him. he's just living his life, pursuing his bizarro interests, interacting with people in his gentle weirdo fashion. lemme see if i can find like six more ways to say this lol. it's like niall doesn't exactly fit 'normal' but he passes for normal, and his default response to everything is just to be reasonable, to adjust or lower his expectations accordingly, so that he can establish a sort of equilibrium for himself even if sometimes he has this feeling that he's not, like, the happiest he could be? and then he meets harry, who is 100% the oddest, most out-there person niall's ever seen and yet doesn't even seem to notice. except that OF COURSE, internally, harry is a little lonely in his weirdo way!! he doesn't ever really conceive of it as loneliness, because i headcanon harry as having only a confused sense of his own inner terrain -- he feels things deeply but he never really understands what is Going On inside himself because putting things into words is not his strong suit.

but when narry find each other their ways of not fitting align in the most wonderful ways!!! they just Get Each Other on some intuitive level and they bring out these aspects of each other that the other needs. like niall helps harry live in the world, he translates confusing things other people do into things harry can understand and he also helps harry translate his own feelings, or not translate exactly but just figure out how to express. and he just makes things easier for harry, like helping him reset his password eight times by clicking the link!!! and harry's in awe!!!! and he makes harry not lonely anymore, because niall always makes harry feel heard.

and harry does the same for niall, but in different ways!!!! in his gentle weird way he makes this little space where niall can explore the not-fitting instead of always just being amenable to things and adjusting how he feels to align with other people's expectations for him. harry just naturally, intuitively responds to the secret quiet weirdness in niall, and he never acts like it's weird or even that it's secret, he just responds to niall as he is and doesn't register that other people might judge niall for those things. and niall watches harry just living his life so contentedly, acting like it's perfectly ok to feel however you feel and live in the world however you want, and it makes him feel ok with himself. ANYWAY OK NARRY ARE SOULMATES AND IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!!!!!!!

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