I... am going to stay off Tumblr today I think. at first I was genuinely baffled by the comments I was reading and had to text multiple people being like "wait did I miss something huge?" and now I'm just genuinely annoyed. I respect that people can interpret things differently and that we all have different thresholds for what we find funny or what we think is appropriate subject matter for comedy. I'm totally down to read people's thoughts on that and I think it's an interesting and important conversation to have, especially as part of a broader cultural conversation about how to talk about sexual harassment allegations against men who hold positions of great cultural, economic, and political power. what bothers me, as always, is the wild bandwagoning effect that Tumblr encourages and the way that digital media environments built around likes/reblogs deliberately polarize the conversation by rewarding the most polemical reactions while divorcing those reactions from context & failing to provide mechanisms that would make constructive dialogue possible.
It's not dying, Niall thinks. To die you have to be alive, and he isn't, not properly. He had felt like he was, once. Had sobbed and begged and fought for it--for the right to be alive, to be human. Colonel Fisk was right, though. There's no him, no Niall. He's only a copy, a lump of metal and wires and synthetic skin, a chip where his memories should be. You don't kill a machine. You just - power it down. Take it offline.

just reposting this other snippet I wrote in the BSG nouis verse, then I'll post a little snippet of the drabble I stayed up till 3am last night feverishly writing lol.

*

for this prompt, I wrote a little excerpt from a Battlestar Galactica AU. basically all you need to know is that the Cylons (a race of artificial intelligence created by man) have exterminated all of humankind except the ~45,000 survivors on board the Galactica and across the Colonial Fleet. New Cylon (“toaster”) models who perfectly imitate human beings have infiltrated the fleet, making it difficult to tell friend from foe. In this drabble, Louis is the captain of the Command Air Group and the fleet's most daring Viper pilot. Niall is a mechanic, far below Louis in rank, and Louis’ best friend/sometimes lover.
 

things you said when you were hurting

“Maybe they can feel stuff too,” Niall says, listing against Louis’s side. He takes a swig from the bottle of moonshine, grimacing at he swallows. “If they look like us.”

“Give me that.” Louis snags the bottle out of his hands. “Reckon you’ve had enough for tonight, if you’ve started thinking toasters have fracking feelings.”

“Just wonder, that’s all.” Niall hunches his shoulders up inside Louis’s flight jacket. It looks good on him, Louis thinks with a pang. It’s always looked good on him, and if it weren’t a violation of military code, dating his junior officer, he’d have Niall wear it all the time.

“Well, you don’t need to wonder,” he says aloud. “Blown enough of ‘em to bits, haven’t I? They’re hunks of metal, Nialler. Machines. Only difference with the human models is they’ve got synthetic skin.”

“Yeah,” Niall says.

He still looks troubled, though, and Louis doesn’t like that one bit. It’s one thing for him to have to live with it–the uncertainty, the fear. It’s what Louis had signed up for when he enlisted in the fleet, even if back then he’d expected to spend his career as a pilot flying endless border patrols. Niall, though– Niall had only entered the service to pay for school, like most of the maintenance specialists on board the Galactica. No chance of combat, not stationed aboard an old museum piece like this one.

Then came the attack on the Colonies, and the end of the world as they knew it. And the Galactica had become humanity’s last hope of surviving extinction. Everyone’s a soldier now.

“Don’t worry about them,” Louis tells Niall now. He bumps his shoulder against Niall’s, the most contact he’ll allow himself when they’re both like this, tipsy and prone to making bad decisions. “We’re gonna find ‘em, Nialler, the ones who look like us. Root ‘em out of the fleet and vent them out the airlock, every last one of them. And then once we’ve got enough Viper pilots in the air, we’re gonna attack every fracking Resurrection ship they’ve got, prevent those fuckers from regenerating.”

Niall doesn’t seem to be listening. He’s staring out across the abandoned hangar, pulling Louis’s coat tighter around his shoulders. “Emotions aren’t that different from software,” he says. “Not really. Don’t you ever wonder, Lou? If they can feel stuff too. If some of them want different things than the rest, and –”

Louis snorts.

“You’ve been talking to that crazy priest Styles, haven’t you,” he says. “All that rubbish about trying to find common ground. Like the Cylons aren’t dead set on exterminating the human race.”

“It’s diplomacy.” Niall’s not looking at him. “That’s all Harry wants, just a chance to end the bloodshed in both sides.”

“So it’s Harry now, is it?” Louis can’t quite ignore the hot twist of jealousy in his gut. He knows they’re friends, knows they’ve gotten closer since the attack. Knows that Styles keeps Niall company when Louis and the rest of the CAG are out on long missions.

“It’s not like that,” Niall says. “And you know it, so don’t be an arse. Harry’s just my friend.”

“Yeah, well,” Louis says dismissively. “Might not be around for much longer, if he’s not careful.”

“What do you mean?”

Louis shrugs, playing casual. It’s classified, but he can’t imagine the rumors haven’t already begun percolating down to the crew. “Apparently Dr. Baltar’s finished developing his Cylon Detector Test,” he says. “Commander’s orders are every member of the Colonial Fleet’s got to be tested, starting this week. Reckon there’ll be some unpleasant surprises in store. And there’s loads of rumors flying around about your precious Harry –”

“Harry’s not a Cylon,” Niall says, with such conviction Louis breaks off mid-sentence. “And there’s nothing happening between me and him, either, if that’s what you’re insinuating. Not that it’s any of your business.” He gets clumsily to his feet, nearly knocking over the half-empty bottle of moonshine, and starts shrugging his shoulders free of Louis’s flight jacket.

“Oi, don’t be such a baby.” Louis scrambles to his feet, but Niall jerks away from his outstretched hand. “I was only joking about Styles. You’re so bloody sensitive, Neil, honestly.“

The flight jacket hits him full in the face.

“Fuck off, Lou.” There’s a tremor in Niall’s voice. “You’re such a fucking dick, you know that?"

Louis tenses. He knows this fight. Doesn’t want to have it, not now, not when he’s leaving tomorrow for another recon mission into Cylon-occupied territory. Not when it might be the last thing he ever hears Niall say.

“Come on,” he says, in what he hopes is a conciliatory tone, but it’s too little, too late.

“You’re the one who wanted to be just friends, Lou,” Niall says bitterly. “You’re the one who finished with me, yeah? Didn’t want me anymore. So you’re not allowed to be jealous if somebody else might.”

“I didn’t - it’s not like that,“ Louis says helplessly. “There’s rules, Niall. You’re my junior officer, technically, and we can’t–”

“Didn’t seem to bother you before,” Niall says. “Why’s that, d'you reckon? How come I was good enough for you to stick your dick in back then, but now, now you’re some hotshot Viper pilot, you’re the bloody hero, and everybody wants a piece of you. Is that it, Lou? Don’t need your dirty little secret anymore, now that you can shag anyone you like–”

“We’re at war now, in case you hadn’t fracking noticed!” Louis yells, loud enough that Niall shuts up. “We’re out there every fracking day fighting for our lives, and I can’t be distracted, all right? Those pilots are counting on me to keep them alive. I can’t do my bloody job if I’m thinking about you the whole time, and going crazy worrying about you back here on. And gods, Ni, if somebody found out, if they transferred you to another ship, and I - I couldn’t come home to you anymore, I – ” He breaks off, turning so Niall won’t see the tears pricking at his eyes. He feels exposed, raw. Weak. Like he’s flown a bad mission, lost a pilot, fracked things up in a way he can’t fix.

He hates it. Hates that Niall can make him feel this way, still, despite how careful he’s been, despite how hard he’s worked to keep his emotions separate from the job he’s got to do. He can’t be weak, not anymore. If he fails they’ll all die, the whole fleet. If he fails he’ll lose Niall too: the last of his family, the only person he’s got left. It’s better to lose him like this, to give him up like this, than to lose him forever.

“Lou,” Niall says softy, but Louis’ already picking up his jacket, shoving it under his arm.

“There’s a war on, Horan,” he repeats, his voice unsteady. “And you and that toaster-loving freak Styles are busy wondering if the machines that murdered my mum and sisters have fracking feelings. They don’t. Maybe some of ‘em look like us now, but they’re not like us, Niall. They’re not human. And I swear to the Lords of Kobol that I’m gonna kill them, Niall. I’m gonna take out as many of those evil frackers as I can before they take me down.”

“Lou,” Niall says again, taking a step towards him, but Louis can feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes – his mum. His sisters. He shoulders past Niall and out the hatch, taking deep, gulping breaths of the ship’s recycled air.

*

[edit: they might be on the Pegasus and not the Galactica, bc shit gets way darker on the Pegasus? haven't decided yet. anyway, on the mission Louis's about to fly, he encounters a Cylon who's the same model as Niall (a Nine) and discovers that Niall's a Cylon. Niall doesn't know it himself - he thinks he's human.]

ok one of my favorite little funny WIPs is the zouis housekeeper fic, where zayn's famous and louis is the housekeeper he hires in an attempt to put his life back together when his fiancée perrie leaves him for jade (lol). admittedly this is not an especially good moment for fics involving an employer/employee relationship lol, but mostly louis just hurricanes his way through zayn's life, wins over all his friends, smokes all his weed, makes judgey comments about zayn's aesthetic and life choices, and bosses him around all the time.

zayn's bemused but also just like.. charmed in spite of himself, and they fall into bed with each other and just kinda.. keep doing it, and then it's basically just a funny cute  rom com with a tiny bit of angst. obviously power imbalances in the workplace are bad etc etc and some of the angst does center on that (tho not in a sexual harassment way, all of that is sort of breezed right on past in this particular situation).  

also I know zouis is dead but I can't think who I would rewrite them with bc it's a specific kind of romantic dirtbag dynamic lol. suggestions welcome. here, have a little bit of it:

*

“Would you ever, like, dress up as a French maid or summat?” Zayn asks a little while later, spreading his fingers wide over one globe of Louis’s glorious arse. “Like, get a little costume and a feather duster and shit?” 
 
Louis’s lying naked on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. He takes a drag from the joint, holds it for a long moment, and then exhales smoke into Zayn’s face.

“Nope,” he says as Zayn starts coughing. “And fuck you for making a mockery of my profession.”
 
“Your profession,” Zayn scoffs, as soon as he’s got his breath back. He smacks Louis’s arse, startling a yelp out of him. “Professional layabout, that’s what you are. Can’t remember the last time you lifted a hand around this house. I had to mop up all that mud you tracked in from the garden yesterday.”
 
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day,” Louis says sagely. “Teach him to fish and you feed him for life.”
 
I'm working on tree narry right now and honestly I would die for used-to-be-a-tree Harry. HE IS SO GENTLE. PROTECT HIM!!!
every single goddamn song on gavin james's album Bitter Pill is about narry, and also the more i listen to it the more i hear little echoes of it in Flicker, like it's obviously 1000% the album that niall listened to in 2016 to get through the breakup (or the not-breakup, since they weren't a Thing, they were just... a thing, a forever and ever soulmates thing, a best friends in love thing).

IM JUST GONNA DO THIS IN MULTIPLE PARTS SO THAT YOU CAN FULLY ABSORB THE PAIN OF EACH SONG
Read more... )
I DID IT!!!!! or kinda, i mean, i didn't write a novel in one go like you're supposed to, but i did write 51,834 words of fic this month!!!!!! plus i'd guess maybe a couple thousand more handwritten words across my various fic notebooks. i also wrote (WAIT FOR IT) 29,725 words of my dissertation draft. THAT'S A LOT OF WRITING!!!!!!

about 40k of the fic wordcount came from these projects:
  • misfits au (20k)
  • sequel to sexswap niall (~12k)
  • sex demon narry (~8k)
and then the rest came from assorted other fics:
  • small town divorce fic (didn't write nearly as much of this as i hoped RIP)
  • sequel to 'what a sweet sound it makes'
  • teen dads narry
  • tree narry
  • 50 shades lirry

just found this cryptic note to myself in an otherwise blank doc from June of this year: "I just have to get Harry to Niall, and then the rest will take care of itself."
I know there's something in this mess of writing, but I'm s t r u g g l i n g, my god. I've got a real clear sense of Niall in this fic and I think I know kinda what's going on in harry's head but I can't figure out if I'm forcing the structure of this plot on them or not. canon fics are also so hard bc the timelines!! I play fast and loose with the sequence of events most of the time but I also worry it kinda disrupts the mood sometimes, if someone's like WELL ACTUALLY
why is my only mode "make Niall miserable"? me @ me: let this poor boy REST
also i love/hate this ira glass quote with my whole heart:

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."


how do people.... finish things? like, as of tonight all the pieces of sexswap niall sequel are there (some in rougher form than others), in a single document now. but it is just... still hard to imagine how i'm gonna get it from this draft version to the ao3 ready version i loooong to post next week. does um... does anyone want to beta, maybe? just think about it.. lemme know...
only four days and 8,118 words left of nanowrimo. if anyone wants to write tonight i'll be starting around 8:30/9pm central time and writing till around 11!
uhhh the sexswap niall sequel is 12,000 words and counting. it is also probably the most chaotic evil thing i've ever written, in a long career of being every evil on the fic writer alignment chart lmao. I AM VERY SORRY IN ADVANCE!!!!! EVERYONE HAS TO SUFFER WITH ME!!!!!
hiiii here's more sexswap Niall! this is the night before they hook up again.

Read more... )
THANKS FOR WEIGHING IN EVERYONE!! I wrote 3.5k of sexswap Niall today and plotted it to the end of the next installment. It's uhhh... it's pretty much all smut lmao but it's plot-advancing smut with lots of complicated feelings! I'm going to pick a section of it and post it after dinner. ok but just um be warned it's all sex lol. tomorrow I will either keep working on it or get a couple new scenes of misfits AU up. 
ok friends give me a deadline!! I've been writing more than ever but have been terrible about actually putting it on dreamwidth. so by the end of the day tomorrow which of these would you like to see a 500-1000 word scene?
  1. barry/niall + harry/fionn misfits AU
  2. sexswap niall sequel 
  3. teen dads narry
  4. lirry 50 shades of grey AU
  5. small town divorce fic (maybe) 
 NOOOOOOOO it's taking a colossal effort of will not to let Niall saying he's straight wreck my thanksgiving

ahahaha

Nov. 23rd, 2017 03:44 pm
happy thanksgiving y'all! i am sure everyone's already seen this but on the off chance that you haven't, here are two parts that i'm still laughing about:

Simon Cowell: I got the five of them together, and right away, there was chemistry.

Niall Horan (One Direction vocalist and guitarist): They put us together in a studio, and you could just feel we were on the same wavelength. Harry started running, and without missing a beat, Liam started running, and then me and Zayn and Louis were all running, too. We ran and ran for what must’ve been hours, but it felt like nothing. By the time we were all done running, we’d made it all the way to Guildford.

Zayn Malik: You couldn’t stop us in those early days. Get even two of us in the same room and we’d take off running. We’d never take the same route either, but we’d always head southwest. They tried locking us in, but we were very strong, and so fast.

Liam Payne: I miss those early days, just running and running. That was before they trained us to stay.

and my very favorite of all, which is pure crackfic gold and so very narry:

Niall Horan: Harry was the glue that held One Direction together. If he knew you were feeling down, he’d take you aside and go, “I’ve got a surprise for you.” And then, out of nowhere, you’d get a visit from world-famous pop music sensation Harry Styles! It was incredible. He’d autograph anything you wanted, let you get a picture together, and even chat with you for a bit! You’d think a star like that would be totally checked out, but he was always so, so personable and down-to-earth. To this day, I don’t know how Harry pulled it off.

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